the road is sparkling with diamonds

so it seems im on the "up" as i call it.
everything is glam
the air smells like roses and theres little fairies sprinkling fairy dust everywhere i walk.
i love waking up in the morning
not so much getting out of bed.
just waking up.

how did i make "the switch"

i call it a little medicinal shopping.
or maybe alot.

i wake up to the beautiful sight of a large black bag hanging off my closet door ... and i smile.
suddenly i can't wait to get out of bed to unzip the bag and gaze at its contents
somehow it makes getting out of bed a little easier
then theres the urge to take it out of the bag ... this i must resist for a whole 6 months.

oh god !

besides the dress, theres this amazing man.
yes i will write about him once again.
i will try not to fill this post with the regular sap us engaged folk do.
i swore i would never waste my time on cute little 'i love him so much' type blogs but there is this urge ... i will attempt to resist. simply put ... i'm in love and it really is fantastic !

so ive been doing alot of looking in the mirror lately.
not literally people.
figuratively.
examining myself. my flaws. my failures.
determining what makes me click.
what makes me happy.
where my time is best spent.

it sucked. but i learned some things about myself.
yes, more things to learn about ME. oh yay.

the biggest being... i don't let go.
i don't know how.
its like i missed that class in school
or that sermon in church
i don't let go of things people say
whether in anger or just simply because they are an ass
i can't seem to let go
even if they apologize. say they are sorry. say they didn't mean it.
still it sits in the corner of my mind
ready to jump out and remind me its still there.

so i'm on a journey.
i'm discovering i need to make a choice.
again... choices. damn them.

i'm chosing to forgive... at least i'm trying to.
this is that positive self talk i've heard so much about. :)

let it go D
let it go

the wierd thing is - i know how to let go of the positive comments really easy. its the negative ones that stick. anyway ...

let it go D
let it go

:)