i need more help then you can give me

i don't know how
i don't know when
but i know i need more

doing it on my own just isn't cutting it
getting past this feeling is too much for me to handle
too much to control with out hurting the man i love

i sit there
my heart is pounding
i can feel the anger rising
and somehow i try to stop it
but i can't
i know in my head that soon i will say something
something i shouldn't
something that he doesn't deserve
but something i need to get out of my head
and i know at any moment i will hurt him
why?

because of the heart beating anger
i know everything is within your control
then why do i feel like this is so uncontrollable

its not his fault
i know that in my head
so why can't this feeling fucking GO AWAY.

ok, i'm better now.
thanks cyberspace.

ps. i read this over and damn i sound like a psyco.
its kind of one of those posts that you write and then delete.
except, here it is.
psyco me.

looove me